You’re Not Too Young to Write a Memoir
In spring of 2023, Flatiron Books (an imprint of Macmillan) announced the release of a celebrity memoir—but didn’t name the celebrity. This caused an uproar of excitement in bookish communities, with everyone speculating as to who authored this top-secret memoir.
Many readers predicted that the memoir would be by Taylor Swift, and I don’t think they were wrong for thinking so. Taylor has been known for surprising her fans, dropping Easter eggs in all of her internet content, and leaving bread crumbs for die-hard Swifties to decipher. Honestly, I was pretty excited for a Taylor Swift memoir.[1]
But you know what got my blood boiling? When I saw criticisms that were some iteration of, “Taylor is too young to write a memoir!” and “What would she even have to write about?”
HOLD UP.
Taylor Swift doesn’t have anything to write about?
I cannot imagine a more ridiculous sentence.
Taylor Swift is one of the most prolific music artists of the twenty-first century and has redefined how artists can engage in a cut-throat music industry. At the time of this writing, Taylor has just completed her state-side Eras tour, which currently has grossed $2.2 billion. She has used her life to fuel her music, forcing her into the crossfires of misogyny
So, excuse me, but Taylor Swift has plenty to write about. (Taylor, if you’re reading this, please write a memoir.)
The case for young memoirists
These elitist readers have one thing wrong: not every memoir is going to be a good fit for them (just like any other genre). Because the truth is that a young memoirist is not likely going to write for her elders, but her peers. Millennials and Gen-Zers are navigating uncharted territory in terms of social media, the economy and job markets, and climate change (among a host of other societal shifts). We want to feel connection with someone who understands the immediacy of our lived experience, and a young memoirist can forge that bridge.
When generations try to gate-keep the value of our stories, they cut themselves off from a bigger world. Yes, young people can and should learn from their elders—and elders can and should pay attention to the world’s younger generations. Our favorite wizarding headmaster said that “Youth cannot know how age thinks and feels, but old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young.”[2]
If we put a minimum age on memoir writing, we invalidate the experience of youth. “But they don’t have perspective!” they say. But that’s not true: Young memoirists have a different perspective from someone who is older.
Perspective in memoir writing
In fall of 2022 I worked with a writer who was trying to compile a collection reflecting on her 20s and said that she wants to write a book for each decade of her life moving forward.
I loved this idea.
Because here’s the thing: A writer will write about an event or experience differently at 30 than she will at 50. One perspective isn’t any more right or wrong than another; they’re just different. A memoirist writing about an event when she’s 30 will write with more immediacy and forge connection that way. A memoirist writing about the same event when she’s 55 will write with more reflection and likely a shifted perspective. That perspective will also forge connection. Both versions of this event will be valid.
Perspective is a lens, not a measure of moral superiority. Think of a glasses prescription: You go to the optometrist and get new glasses designed just for your eyes. Yay! You can see more clearly! You go back a couple of years later and need a new prescription. Now you have updated glasses and can see more clearly. Yay! Does that mean that your last pair of glasses was garbage? Of course not. It served you for a time, and now you need different lenses. How we engage with our stories is similar.
The readers and publishers who assert that a memoir isn’t valid because the writer is young are missing the point. We don’t write our stories to showcase how much we’ve learned or lived—we write to connect. And everyone’s stories at any age can have the power to connect.
For the young memoir writer
If you are a younger writer (and for the purposes of our discussion I mean writers under 40), I have three pieces of guidance for you, though this advice can apply to memoirists of any age.
Examine your motives.
Why are you writing? What is driving your memoir? If you’re using your memoir as a frontline for processing trauma, to draw attention to yourself, or to point out where other people misstepped, then maybe now isn’t the right time for you to write.
Heal first.
Writing about our traumas is therapeutic, full stop. And some of that writing may not necessarily be ideal for a memoir. To best connect with our reader, we need to speak from a place of wholeness. That said, you may certainly encounter triggers as you write, and if you’ve done the appropriate measures to recover and heal, then you will know how to care for yourself during those more difficult writing seasons. Healing doesn’t mean that you’re no longer affected by the trauma; rather, healing from trauma means that you have the distance and tools to manage your nervous system and move from a place of connection.Write to connect.
I cannot overemphasize how imperative it is to write your memoir from a place of connection. This connection can show up as a way to educate, to empathize, to empower, to advocate. But the core of your writing needs to be defined with connection. Any other motive will result in a distanced, unrelatable manuscript. Ask yourself what about your story could help someone else. What about your story is universal? What is something that could help someone else? It’s okay to acknowledge that your perspective may shift as you age, but that doesn’t invalidate what you have to share now. The point of a memoir is to connect.
And a bonus tip for you: Don’t let anyone tell you that your story doesn’t matter just because you’re young. That’s dismissive and ignorant. Not every book will be for every reader, and when you write your memoir it will find the people who need it. Your story matters at any age, and you can write it whenever you want to.
[1] The memoir in question was not, unfortunately, one by Taylor Swift. Our mysterious celebrity is the K-pop band BTS, publishing their book Beyond the Story: 10-Year Record of BTS.
[2] Professor Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J. K. Rowling
To listen to more on age and memoir, be sure to check out the podcast episode “You’re Not Too Young to Write Memoir.” And if you’re not sure where to start writing, you’ll love the quiz “What Type of Memoir Should I Write?” Let me know your result!
